A birth by caesarean section, episiotomies or other lacerations, as well as your recovery rate will ultimately help you decide when you are ready to resume sexual relations. In any case your doctor must verify that your cervix has properly healed and that lochia (the discharge of leftover blood, mucus and tissue in the uterus after the birth) has ended prior to resuming intercourse. It takes an average of three weeks for the cervix to fully close after childbirth. Till that time, any form of vaginal penetration can lead to infection.
Then there is the responsibility of parenthood that often leaves you lacking energy and time, the main ingredients needed for lovemaking. The result is a natural lack of sexual desire. Don’t forget that your body is recovering from being pregnant and your hormones are out of whack and needs time to readjust. You may be afraid, afraid it will hurt, or of becoming pregnant again.
If you are breastfeeding your breasts may leak or even squirt during sex. That may make you self-conscious and uncomfortable. Having a washcloth close by can be very handy during those times. With breastfeeding comes another realization, the multipurpose of the breast, both to feed your child and as a source of sexual arousal. For some breastfeeding can be sexually arousing, this is not unusual, while for others it is definitely not. As well, with breastfeeding often comes a lack of or lowered lubrication due to the hormones involved. Using a water-based lubricant will help.
- Even if your physician gives you the go ahead, if you do not feel emotionally or physically ready, put a stop to it till you are. Try to understand what you are feeling and work through it.
- Talk to your partner.
- Keep in mind that intercourse is not the only way to reach sexual gratification.
- Have sex when you can. Spontaneous sex may equal no sex, so plan ahead, and anticipate it. We plan dinner parties, our weddings, birthdays, why not sex.
- It may be a while till you have your first postpartum orgasm. Give yourself some time.
- Intercourse can be uncomfortable, or even painful depending on the injuries incurred during childbirth. It may help to:
- Choose a time when you have time. Don’t be rushed.
- Lubricate. The change in hormonal level can reduce normal vaginal secretions making penetration uncomfortable.
- Try positions where you, the woman, can control the rate and method of penetration, such as side-to-side or woman on top. Explore.
- Conserve energy for lovemaking rather than for house cleaning.
- Remember, the situation is only temporary.
Some men experience feeling of ambivalence and lack of sexual attraction to their partner immediately after having witnessed them give birth vaginally. These feeling may include disgust (after having witnessed the blood and fluids related to childbirth), discomfort, fear of causing pain or another pregnancy... Some other reasons for this lack of sexual desire may be the same as for the new mother, such as fatigue, anxiety, fear. It is important to keep in mind that the vagina is meant for childbirth, momentarily, while the vagina is capable of providing a couple with a source of great pleasure for a long time to come.
It is difficult to specify how long it will take for these feelings to go away. Should it take longer than you are comfortable with, be accompanied by feeling of depression or cause strain; do not hesitate to seek counselling.
Questions, concerns, column suggestions? Leave a comment here or email sex therapist Catherine Novac at catherinenovac@videotron.ca.
