Surviving Holiday stress

“It’s the preparation that’s stressful,” said Bessy Deros, who lives with her family in Pierrefonds. “But once everybody’s here everyone helps out so we just have fun.”

For Deros, who hosts around 3 dinner parties between Christmas and New Years each year, relying on friends and family has become second nature. “It’s okay that you’re stressed because your family and friends help you to have a good time,” said Deros, 42.

The Holiday Season is among the forty most common major stressors identified by the Life Event Stress Scale, also known as the Holmes & Rahe Social Readjustment Rating Scale. The life events are ranked in order from the most stressful (death of spouse) to the least stressful (minor violations of the law). “Family can be an extra burden or source of support,” said psychologist and stress specialist Marie Claude Lamarche. “Do whatever you need to do so it’s less stressful.”

If that means avoiding conflict with family members, you can choose not to attend an event, or go to an event but put the conflict behind you, said Lamarche. “I tell her if she doesn’t like it she knows where the door is,” said Delos of one particularly grumpy family member. “At the beginning of our marriage things like that stressed me more. But as you get older, no matter whom you have over, you realize there’s always going to be one bad apple. No matter how good everything is, somebody’s going to complain.”

In order to ensure the complaints don’t land too heavily on your shoulders, try changing the formula and asking everyone to pitch in deserts, entrees, and wine, said Lamarche. Just because the host of last year’s holiday party spent the week cooking, baking and cleaning house, don’t hold yourself to a level of perfection that will make you crazy. “Don’t feel bad and put more weight on what other people think instead of what you can offer,” said Lamarche. “It’s not the end of the world if your house is not spic and span clean—people don’t notice that.”

Planning ahead also minimizes stress so you’re not doing things last minute and don’t spend over your financial limits when buying gifts. “The gifts are more stressful than anything else,” said Delos. “I try to budget myself, but I feel like if I don’t get my son what he wants, Christmas will suck because I didn’t get him what he wanted.”

But think of the emotional and energetic cost to giving perfect gifts to everyone, said Lamarche. Making it as simple as possible so you can actually enjoy the festivities is key. If that means only giving gifts to the kids, or deciding to give books to everyone so you can shop in one shot, do that, said Lamarche.

The best way to budget during the holiday season is to always pay cash so you know if you have $100 in your pocket, you won’t go overboard, said John Manoloulis, a chartered accountant in Pierrefonds. “During the holidays, losing track of where your money is the biggest risk because people feel guilty and want to spend when they see everyone else spending,” said Manoloulis. “But not everyone’s in the same boat.” “You can never please everybody all the time,” said Lamarche. “And keep in mind the main purpose—to see family and have fun. Your family doesn’t want you to kill yourself and put yourself in debt financially, psychologically, and physiologically.”