It Takes Nerve to be Julie Couillard

There are political schemes, government land deals, a patronage job for mom, an immigration job for Julie, a little unregistered lobbying and even an offer to be a Conservative candidate in the current election.

The Mounties will have their hands full with Julie in the coming months trying to sort things out.

Some stories are plain and boring. Who cares if Max Bernier drank too much Pepsi. Stephen Harperdoes too. Big deal.

Or if he ate too much junk food. Or talked about the boss behind his back, or talked more about it, than he did it in the bedroom. None of that is our business! Not one bit of it. The book is full of it.

But then there is one story that totally fascinates us.

How does Julie Couillard making it to Parliament strike you? Julie, the honorable member for Deux-Montagnes?

Julie going door-to-door in St. Eustache? ‘Honey, come quick. You won’t believe who’s at the door!’

The big guy in the Conservative organization in Quebec, Nelson Bouffard, wanted Julie as the Conservative candidate in Rivière-des-Mille-Îles, considered a safe Conservative seat.

‘Move over T-Claude Carignan, here comes Julie ‘Two Mountains’ Couillard on a parachute.

Julie says the prospect sounded fascinating – to serve in Canada’s Parliament, but she says that in the end she turned it down. Too bad, with her mega political attributes she would have made a great cabinet minister.

She could have replaced ‘Smiling’ Josée Verner, the Heritage minister and noted Tanning Salon Queen. At least Julie would not have cut government grants to the arts. In fact dancers would get double. Fun everywhere along Ste-Catherine Street.

Or she might have made immigration, and replaced the dour Diane Finley. With Julie in charge, no more problems with European dancers coming in.

Max ‘Pepsi’ Bernier wasn’t her first brush with government. Back in the old Liberal days Julie tried to nail down a government airport security contract for a friend. The Liberals sent her packing, the ingrates.

Just because she didn’t have any experience in the field. Since when has experience been a requirement for a government contract?

She was only helping out a friend who needed the work. But he owed a lot of money to the bikers and the poor fellow died after losing the contract. It must have been a suicide.

But just imagine Julie’s biker friends running airport security – big hairy gorillas in black leather and chains running the X-ray machines : ‘Have you any drugs?’

She says Max offered her a 100 000 a year job at immigration deciding who gets into the country. She turned it down. Wouldn’t look good apparently.

Seems our Julie turned down every government job ever offered her except of course her agreement to go out for a year with Max so that people would stop saying he was gay, just because he chummed around with a Conservative cabinet minister who is gay. But that is no place for us to go, now is it?

But what if she had made it to Parliament. Imagine Julie sitting behind Harper in Commons. That alone would be enough to double the daily attendance.