Kids deserve, need to have fathers in their lives

Forgive me for continuously beating the octuplet drum, but I can't get my mind around the whole situation. Only this week, it's because of the conspicuous absence of a father in the children's life. Nadya Suleman, the octuplets' mother, conceived the litter with a sperm donation and with little or no involvement from the 'friend' whose name is on birth certificates for four of the six kids Suleman already had.

Far be it from an open-minded guy such as myself to make a snap judgment, but kids need males in their lives every bit as much as they need a mother's nurturing or a teacher's knowledge. And that's where this trend of 'single mothers by choice,' runs into a roadblock, sadly.

Did you know that fully 40 per cent of American mothers are unmarried? That number is higher (60 per cent) here in Quebec, where, for whatever reason, common-law relationships are the rage. I don't have any problem with that, because in common-law relationships, the father is usually involved and the children usually get enough of both parents. It's when a woman, for whatever reason, decides to go it along from the get-go that lands their offspring in developmental hot water.

I'm saying unequivocally that without a positive male role model around, your child is in trouble. Social science has proven it, and organizations like Big Brothers and Big Sisters of the West Island were born out of the notion that a single-parent family – as hard as the single parent might try – penalizes kids.

As a child of divorce myself, I can testify to how important a father in a boy's development and it was only when I was a grown man looking back that I realized exactly how much I was missing. Since I became a father myself, I have desperately tried to further nurture my relationship with my own dad, but circumstances being what they are (he and my stepmother have two kids of their own, 9 and 13), we relate to each other more as peers than as a father and son.

And that makes me sad for all the mothers out there who have been saddled with idiots, criminals and layabouts as partners and fathers to their children. It's those rotten apples that give the involved dads a bad name.

Look, I know I'm far from perfect, but I can say without question that my relationship with my family is by far the most important thing in my life and there are thousands of West Island dads who can say the same.

For you moms out there uninterested in waiting for Mr. Right or even Mr. Right Now, or for lesbian couples looking to adopt, I'm not condemning you; I'm warning you. You son or daughter needs a positive male role model every bit as much as they need a positive female one.

Take my advice and help them find it. You'll be glad you did.