Where have all the pencils gone?

Once upon a time there was a family. In this family there was a mommy and a daddy and five children. The daddy was an academic. An academic is someone who loves books and ideas. Academics also love the things that help them express their ideas, things like paper and pencils. The mommy was not an academic; she was what we call a pseudo-academic. That is someone who has a number of university degrees but who will never make money because of those degrees. Pseudo-academics love paper, pencils, and books even more than academics.

Now we come to the five children. The children of the academic daddy and the pseudo-academic mommy were born with such an intense love of paper and pencils and books that they would sleep with their books and eat their pencils! Yes, it is true! The youngest child in the family slept with so many books in his bed that he was in danger of being injured. The pseudo-academic mommy would say, “No, no my son, you cannot sleep with so many books in your bed, it is not good for your health,� but the youngest son would reply to his mommy, “Yes, I will sleep with that many books in my bed, in fact I need to put MORE books in my bed.�

The oldest child in the family loved pencils so much that he would nibble on them whilst he did his homework. What a funny boy! But he was not the only child in the family who ate pencils. All of them ate pencils. And one day it seemed to the mommy that her children gave up eating real food altogether and just ate pencils. And soon after that day there were no more pencils in the house. The children wept and gnashed their teeth and cried, “We need pencils!� The children tried to sneak into academic daddy’s study to take his pencils. But academic daddy discovered them in their sin and cried out in a loud voice, “No, no my children, you cannot come into my study and steal my pencils.�

So the mommy went unto the Dollar Store to buy many pencils. But after two days the children rent their garments once more and cried out in sorrow, “We do not like the taste of Dollar Store pencils and besides, they break all the time and refuse to be sharpened!� And pseudo-academic mommy despaired and she would not be comforted. When her children asked her for pencils she would say, “I do not know where they are, my dear children. The last time I looked the pencil holder was full. Where, oh where, have all the pencils gone?�

And so, dear reader, the pseudo-academic mommy went a little loopy in the head. All because of pencils! She hoards pencils and hides them away where her children cannot find them. She buys pencils whenever she sees them and cannot pass a package of pencils by without throwing them into her shopping cart. And still her children consume pencils! But she will not be vanquished, and one day, one day very soon, when asked for a pencil she will be able to say, “Here, my darling, here is a lovely pencil for you.�