Clothes make the Don

Every Saturday night millions of Canadians tune in to Hockey Night in Canada, a genuine Canadian tradition. And for many the highlight takes place right after the first period. I’m talking about that moment when millions of Canadians gasp and, after a seven-second delay, all exclaim: “Oh my God!�

Yes, I’m talking about Don Cherry’s clothes.

Where do these garments come from? Someone designed them. But who is this Salvador-Dali-meets-Lawrence-Welk of the fashion world? I Googled but to no avail. Apparently, Don Cherry’s humble tailor prefers to remain anonymous.

Don could easily have opted for Hugo Boss, Gorgio Armani, Tommy Hilfiger, Rene Lacoste or Calvin Klein, all readily available in any of our major cities. But no —- he chose to go where no man has gone before. He was looking for something truly unique. And I think the millions of Canadians who watch Hockey Night in Canada would all agree — he certainly found it. No one else in the country dresses like Don. You can’t get duds like that at The Bay, eh?

Can you imagine the moment they first met? The tailor must have taken one look at Don and said; in that way only a sensitive man in the service trade can say: “We must find a look for you that expresses your personality. Wait, I think I’ve got it — loud!�

And when Don returned to try on the new creations for the first time; that must have been a magical moment. “It’s you. It’s really you,� the tailor said, tears in his eyes. “Where’s the mirror?� Don asked. The tailor answered: “There are no mirrors in my boutique. It’s bad for business. What’s the matter, don’t you trust me?�

Don looked down at his jacket and said: “It sure is colourful.� And just at that moment a moth flew into the shop, got dizzy and fell dead to the floor, proving Jung’s theory of synchronicity.

The tailor said: “I heard you were a couch so I upholstered you.� Don said: “I’m a coach, not a couch.� The tailor said: “Whatever.� Don said: “The viewers at home, they’re the couch potatoes.� The tailor said: “That’s excellent. Now you can be the coach potato.�

Don said: “Don’t you think the shirt collar is too high?� The tailor said: “Hockey is a rough game. So it’s not only a shirt collar, it’s also a neck brace. And that tie also doubles as a tourniquet.� Then added under his breath: “Or a noose.�

Don asked the little tailor if he had ever designed outfits for other celebrities. He answered: “Only once, for the legend they called Bozo the Clown.�

The tailor must have then stepped back and admired his work. “There aren’t many people in the world who can wear a suit like this,� he said. “You are the only one who can bring it off, now that Bozo, rest his soul, is no longer with us.�

So I celebrate that unknown couturier who, with his needles and thread, has shaped for us the iconic image of the man who in 2004 was voted seventh among the top ten greatest Canadians, just before Sir John Eh McDonald. My theory is that this designer must be French. And probably European. Why? Don has made a reputation on saying unflattering things about the French and the Europeans. And as they say in the fashion world: Revenge is a jacket best made of plaid.