Offering support to mothers

That said, more and more parents — caught up in the 24-hour news-cycle, e-mail, cellphone, fax-machine world of ours — are looking for a little support. And that’s exactly what Debbie Oestreich and the West Island Women’s Centre have in mind.

Oestreich, a behaviour-resource specialist, will be heading up an eight-week evening parenting support group at the West Island Women’s Centre, starting April 4. The goal of the support group, Oestreich said, was to help parents start a dialogue with one another and give parents the support they need to parent with confidence. Full disclosure: Oestreich, in addition to being a former lifeguard in Pointe Claire, also had the pleasure of babysitting everybody’s favourite West Island parenting columnist as a child. She survived that experience and can now help embattled parents better deal with the world around them and how it applies to their children.

“Basically, kids need to know that you’ll be there for them. They need to know you’ll be there physically, emotionally and psychologically and emotionally available for them. That doesn’t mean giving them everything they want, whenever they want it, but it means they need to know you’ll be there. They need to smell you, touch, see and hear you,” Oestreich said.

Giving of yourself to your kids doesn’t mean spoiling them; rather, it’s the opposite. By setting limits, sticking to them and teaching consequences, you might end up with a tantrum on your hands - but it’s something all kids need to learn.

“Parents feel if they fulfil all their child’s wishes, they’re doing it right. That’s not quite true. When they’re very upset and mad at you for sticking to your guns, it’s more than acceptable to hug them and tell them ‘I know you’re sad. I know you’re upset.’ They have to have that sadness to know what it feels like. Bullies don’t often know what it’s like to be very sad, so they don’t know how it feels when they inflict it on someone else,” she said.

Same goes for dads: it’s not about what material things you can provide, but rather what intangibles you can give your child. Oestreich, whose three sons aged eight, six and three keep her on her toes, said fathers can be emotional contributors as well as financial ones.

“Some fathers are quick to say their role is bring in the dinero and leave mom to look after the kids. But children need just as much from their dads as they need from their moms,” she added.

It’s the second such go-round for Oestreich and her parenting support group at the WIWC; a group held last fall was so successful the centre’s direction opted for another series.

“A number of our members were interested in the seminars in the fall. There’s a need, so that’s why we’re going to hold another one,” said centre director Karen Henchey.

Parents, do yourselves a favour: check out what Oestreich has to say; you’ll be glad you did — and so will your kids.

The Parenting with Confidence support group for women begins April 4. For more information, call 514-695-8529.