Adventures in potty training

Even better: she refuses to tell me if or when she has to go to the bathroom if her mother is in the house. If it's just the two of us, she tells, me, we dash off to the bathroom. She climbs on the throne and gets down to business. Efficiency, thy name is daddy. Granted, I have to hang out with her while she goes, and sometimes, I'll read her a book while she's waiting for all her business to be conducted. She's quickly learning that heading to the can without reading material is a fool's errand.

Problem is, if my wife is in the house, but otherwise occupied, and my daughter feels the urge to answer nature's call, she won't tell me. I won't find out until later that she had taken off her pants and her diaper and taken a big dump right in the middle of the bathroom floor. Then, she steps in it and goes tracking the mess all over the house as she looks for mommy to tell her about the accident.

That's when my wife comes up the stairs and says 'how come you didn't help her?'

And I'll say 'She found you. That's good enough.'

I got to sleep on the couch that night.

Sometimes, my daughter will get very upset with me because I am not mommy. She'll fall down and maybe hurt herself a little, and because I'm not mommy, I'm little to no help.

She'll sob and yell and squirm and get frustrated with me when I ask her 'where are you hurt, baby girl?' and she yells 'Mommy!'

My inner monologue is saying 'that's not an answer to my question, you little monster,' but the rational side of me is saying that young children, especially when they're in distress, are particularly attached to their mothers – and no matter how much you want her to be able to relax, every minute she's away from mommy only increases the stress.

So I cuddle her, rub her back and sing softly to her to try and calm her down, but as most parents – especially dads in this very situation – know, that's easier said than done.

What I've discovered is that children – and their myriad temperaments, quirks and peccadilloes – really help their parents just as much as their parents help them. That little girl has taught this journalist who expects answers instantly to have patience, taught the fiery ex-football player a whole new level of tolerance and taught the self-centred daddy that other people matter as well.

That is, of course, unless she's not able to make it to the toilet on time.

Then, all bets are off.