My Bloody (commercialized) Valentine

Oh joy (clasping palms together in breathless glee)! I can't wait to drag my butt into a hot mall wearing my hot winter coat and shoehorn my way into the Valentine's aisle so I can find the perfect item that expresses how much I love my man!

Cards. How comes it's always me and one old lady hovering over the same section in the card shop? I'm perpetually reaching over some crocheted hat to grab a stupid card written by the kind of person who highlights passages in Dr. Phil books. And the old lady? There's only one thing old ladies buy in card shops...money holders. Because when you're writing a check for 8 to 12 dollars, presentation is key.

A box of chocolates? Nothing says I love you like 10 half decent chocolates and 5 filled with that revolting orange cream. For the record, don't expect any guy to consult the 'legend' that tells you what's inside each one. It's like asking for directions. He'd rather just choke down the gross candy than read anything instructional. It's faster.

I know! An adorable, overpriced teddy bear holding a felt heart. That's commitment right there cuz the heart is double-stitched onto the paw. It won't ever come off. A symbolic way of saying, my heart is in your hands forever. Yes, a lasting, clingy, tumorous, nagging reminder that I'll always be there. And also that I think you're 12 and still like stuffed animals.

Nowadays - paint it pink, put a heart on it, inflate the price and it makes the grade as a thoughtful Valentine's Day gift - phone cards, magnets, key chains, you name it. Makes me cringe.

This doesn't mean I'm a romance hater. Romance is definitely essential. It's just better when it's unexpected and happens on its own terms. I don't fall for the commercialization the way I fell for Scott. So on Valentine's Day, I'll sit here patiently and wait for it to pass like a bad gas cramp. Then, on the 15th I'm making a beeline for half price cinnamon hearts.

Nat Lauzon encourages you to be a romantic fool all year round and can be heard weekdays from 10-1 on Virgin Radio 96.